About the Blog...

There's always a virtual being with us with whom we talk, we fight, shout, cry... and most of the time this apparition is our own image but with a little modified mentality working out as an antidote for their anecdotes. My Apparition is not an image of me, but of a person whom I can never forget in my life, and whom I have lost in the long run. This blog is dedicated to that apparition. A medium for me to replicate my evolving thoughts into words...
Enjoy your stay here :)

Wednesday, June 6, 2012


Got across this different form of poetry named "ELFJE". Thanks to my blogger friend Leo, who is one of the finest blogger I have ever seen. 
So here it goes, my first attempt on Elfje

  of hope;
  in my heart
  The road ahead shines

To know more about Elfje, visit here

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Yes... I Got My Life Back

They said go for a long walk, you will feel better. I did the same and walked till I reached the horizon. Neither I was feeling better nor was the myriad road ending. Exhausted and frustrated I turned back, and as fast as I could, ran towards the point from where I started. My lungs were gasping for air and my tubes were wheezing. But I didn’t stop, kept running and accelerating. Everything in front of me started getting bleak and I collapsed.

They said go for a hiking, the height will excite you. I tied my shoe laces, pulled up my sleeves and climbed up to the pinnacle of the largest cliff that I had ever known. I amassed every bit of courage left in me to subjugate my acrophobic self and looked down the cliff. All I saw was a steep acreage leading to nothing but a ranch. Neither was I excited nor was I getting any ooze of adrenaline, rather was chafed. Dejected I jumped off the cliff to let gravity take control of me and within fraction of a second I surged towards the base.

They said go for a dive, the water will soothe your mind. I attired myself with all the instruments right from my head to feet and carrying a weight equal to half of mine jumped into the lapse of the blue saline. Neither was I feeling the water nor my mind was feeling lighter. All I felt was chocked, chocked by the wetsuit, chocked by the numerical calculations of SPG, depth gauge, timing device.  Thriving for freedom I took out all the devices and the breathing kit. The brine gushed down my nostrils and filled my lungs.

They said forget the past and move on in life, time heals everything. I did the same, put aside everything and started a new life. Pretended as if nothing happened, pretended as if the past was just an apparition. Said to myself that, that was the way to live life. But neither was I forgetting the past not was able to keep it out of my mind. Rather was pale and losing the zeal to live life. And one day I broke the walls of confinement, took my phone and dialed the combination of figures I was unable to forget. The time stopped there, all numb.

Though late but I came to know that I felt better when I was craving for oxygen while I was running, fighting for each ounce of air for survival. Though late but I came to know that excitement was not in those long hours of hiking but was in those few moments when I was falling down, when the upward thrust was trying to tear me up. Though late but I came to know that diving with protection didn't soothe my mind, but my mind felt calm when the water filled my lungs and reached my brain. Though late I came to know that life can’t be lived by being a coward, but by facing it, fighting with the past.

That moment when I gained my senses after collapsing, I realized that I got my life back. That moment when I ended up on a heap of foliage after jumping off the cliff, I realized that I got my life back.That moment when the fishermen pumped out all the water from my lungs, I realized I got my life back. And that day, after the call, after I spoke what I wanted, all those things that were deep buried in me, I realized that I got my life back. Yes… I got my life back and it is with me, holding my hand, like the way it used to do.

Saturday, March 31, 2012

Choosing between the Gods...

(This post is in reference to a challenge thrown by a blogger friend Princess poo(a very avid writer and one of the best blogger I have seen) via Indiblogger to choose who I feel is the best, My mom or my dad. So here it goes... )

I came to this world,
by the blessings of you two,
You are the forms of almighty,
Incarnated yourselves for me.
 But between all the pains you took,
And the sacrifices that you both made
Could I get any variance,
That will helps me to choose, Who is the best among you?

When I was born,
Mom it was you whom I first saw,
The warmth of your love
Through your eyes it flowed
Embracing you and ruffling your hair
Sitting calmly there were you Dad.
And when my little arms
Stretched and touched your faces
In ecstasy, you both were mounted with tears.

With the contentment you both, showered that day,
Could I be able to choose, who is the best among you?

Not even a single day mom you miss
To wake up early, even when you are sick.
You neither care about your health nor your happiness,
are always there to feed me and give
on time, every time, everything that I wish.
And at times, when fear surrounds me,
You cover me with your drape, and I sleep in peace.
And then you stand in front like an amazon
protecting me from evil spirits and fighting all along.

As I grow up, my needs go high,
      Dad you never fail to give whatever I require,
  You work dawn to dusk just to ensure
That I get everything and my future is secured
 and whenever obstacles come, you never let me retreat
make me tenacious and give the confidence that I need
Whenever, around me, when the things become tight
Your words come as a rescuer,
 and helps me win all the battles that I fight.

When I reminisce upon,
 it makes me daze
Not even an imperceptible difference
 in the way that you both cared.
I am left without a single point,
not even a clue
That helps me to decide,
Who is the best, among you.

After thinking a lot I got my answer
it isn’t in your sacrifices
but in the thing that makes you strong.
Whenever the hard storm strikes us to raze,
you fight it together, protecting each-other’s ways.
Yes, it is your immortal love and the bond that you have
that makes every problem just a piece of cake
Lame I am to think you as two
for you are two different bodies but a single soul
how could I even choose when the entity is one,
together, you are the best, that’s what I can call.

P.S:-  It is beyond anyone’s capability to decide who is best among their parents. They are one and our science didn’t teach us how to distinguish between a same object with its own self. Anyhow it doesn’t matter whom one chooses, because in the end it is meant to both.

Sunday, March 25, 2012

All I want is a Hug!!!

(*Partially Based on a true story*)

“You are embarrassing me”, said Gene with a firm voice.
“I am just speaking the truth. Why it hurts you so much? Why can’t you accept it when you are wrong?” Urged Stan.

It had been 3 years since Gene and Stan fell in love. A love which no one had imagined could see such a day. A small fire sparked which eventually clouted the whole thatch under it.

“For God’s sake please stop. I am tired of your never ending queries, suspicions .I am tired of this Stan, you were never like this before”

“It is you who have started feeling the change and now you are blaming me!!! And you know what I am tired of?? I am tired of maneuvering these type of situations… now I want to face it.”

“Stan enough. Stop assailing me else…”

“Else what? I am waiting for you Gene, say it.”

“That’s it. I am breaking up with you Stan. There isn't any future like this”

I am so sorry Gene. Please don’t leave me. I’ll die without you. You want to F***ing hear this right? Get it clear, I won’t give a damn this time... I am too tired”

“You are such a hopeless case. No need to worry about me… With you out, my life will be too light”. Saying this Gene turned away, moved a few steps. Reverted back, "You are the worst thing that happened to me Stan, you are a Psycho. R.I.P … you are dead for me”

Stan didn’t utter a word after that. Both turned their back, without even a sign of reproach, and moved burying their love deep into their memories. This was the end of their relationship, and was on the last day of their 4 year college life. They couldn’t have expected anything worse than this as a last memory. This was the last time they were together, promising themselves never to think about the other again

3 years later,

The college premises was in a festive mood. The alumni association had organized a reunion. Happiness was in every alumnus face, all being nostalgic of their college life. And among them were Gene and Stan enjoying the eve to their max. During this span of 3 years, Stan has touched the pinnacle of his career, moved abroad, and statistically was the highest “Money-maker” of their batch. Gene, on the other hand, left her job and went for higher studies. Despite being so much egoistic, the ugly truth is that they had both attended the function just to meet each-other… the truth that they have kept within themselves.
The evening progressed, boring lectures, long non-ending stories of development plans for college - functions like this are always a best medium for the institutions to steal out the maximum from the alumni in the name of responsibilities. A big lavish party, all organized with the alumni fund, cuisines made by the self-proclaimed best chefs. Loud music, happy faces, And among this hullabaloo, two hearts were yearning to talk to each other. Stan saw Gene leaving the place, and he quietly followed her.

The wind was calm and the night set off silently. Stan and Gene were at the place which was their favorite- the terrace of the main building. They maintained the decorum of silence, without looking at each-other.

“How are you Gene?” Stan broke the silence, his body trembling speaking this.

All these years Stan had restrained himself from talking to her, pretending being strong. Many a time wrote her mails, all of them ended up in drafts. Stalked her everyday on facebook till one day when her account was no longer found.
Gene, on the other hand, had brought many changes in herself. Stopped socializing much, deleted her social networking accounts… made her aloof from many activities. For her Stan was less of a partner and more of her child, she cared him as if he were her son… they both missed, one being cared and another to care.

“Much better than you have expected”, Gene sounded arrogant. She herself was shocked for this intonation of hers. May be it had aroused as a sign of victory for not breaking the silence first.

“Have got something for you.”, Stan took out a small, cubical box, wrapped in silver paper that he had stowed in his pocket for so long.

“If you had tried to know me better, you would have known how much I hate gifts”. Replied Gene shoving off the gift.

Stan didn’t force her. A little dejected, he threw it out of their sight. Gene didn't give a single reaction.
“Do you have anything to say?” asked Stan, all ready to burst. 
All he could hear was a mere silence.

“I can’t live like this, away from you, away from my own life. I lose, Gene, I accept it was me who was wrong. All these years of separation made me love you more, think about you more. I love you Gene. Can’t we erase that day from our memories. Can't we be together again???”

These words broke Gene. Tears started to flow... now not from the eyes but from the heart.
“I am sorry Stan, please forgive me. I waited so many days for you to say these words , but it never came. Now You are late… too late... Stan, I am..." she sighed" I am married...

A sudden spasm spread like thunder in Stan. He stood there all numb… In front of him everything was bleak and dark
Gene couldn’t take it anymore and started to leave the place. It was getting difficult for her to face him.

"Gene" came a trembling voice, tears muffling the words “Can I get a last hug from you, for the last time, won’t ask you for anything more... just one last hug.

Gene paused for a moment. But she didn’t turn, took a deep breath, and left that place…
Stan stood there, all numb, tear drops flowing down his cheeks … eyes glued to the terrace door, waiting for her to come back to give him a hug…just a hug. 

(A MESSAGE: For you Gene-- "Stan is still waiting for that hug...")

Saturday, March 17, 2012

Just a Bench...

I am a bench
Standing firm and all alone,
On the lap of a green esplanade
Amidst the flowing mortal emotions

I remember the day when a couple came
With a pram, with a tiny life
A life newly bestowed
Happiness was there and joys in their eyes
Through the baby I saw the beginning of life

I was there when the child grew up,
Crying like every other petulant tot
And with time standing on his feet
Wobbling in his way and badging all along
Through the child I saw the salvation in life

I was there when he turned into man,
Thoughts getting weirder, in limbo and tensed,
Thinking about his fledgling career and perpetual fear
bridled by weeds to forget them all.
Through the man I saw the insecurity of life

I was there when he was no more alone
There came she taking him into her lap,
Brought a shoulder to cry and the love she bestowed
Giving him a hand to fight the fear all along
 Through the man I saw the true love of life

I was there when they came as three
And then as four, happy was he and also worried
For the future was then all in his hand
Dependent on him, his wife and two little bairns
Through the man I saw the responsibilities of life

Days moved on and time passed by,
The children grew up and went into their life
Resting on me were only two bag of bones
Love still firm and hands embraced.
Through the old man I saw the quiescence of life

And then one day all bleak and dry,
There came the old man with no one on his side
Deep in his thoughts and soul all aloof,
Envious of his past life and wishing again to be a child
Through the old man I saw the loneliness of life

Finally on a dark night all cold and tight,
He came there dressed in cardigan with nothing in his mind
Sat on me and hummed a beautiful song
Slept there itself,  and never woke up again
And that's when I saw the end of life

I am still the same bench
Standing firm and all alone
On the lap of a green esplanade
Amidst the flowing mortal emotions
but just with a character less.

Monday, March 12, 2012

A Memorable Journey...

My life had never been adventurous enough. Influenced by the movies, I  always yearned to go on a trip that would be memorable to me throughout my life. So the very first thing I decided to do when I joined engineering was to go on a trip worth remembering. The very hard and fast rule I learnt from these movies was that If you want to go on a trip you must have atleast 2 very close friends, some sort of vehicle and ringing pockets. Well I passed the first one and in course of time did manage to make very good friends, still lucky to have such friends. 2nd one vehicle- what more a boy can like if he has a bike. 3rd thing ringing pockets- well was kind of short in that, like every other engineering guy, but as some great personality quoted if there is a “WILL” money will come from every way :P(why to fear when there is a heir). Then the last thing was an attempt. But in the mean time I forgot that in reel life you hardly fail but in real life, failure is like one’s father-in-law, if you want the beauty you have to fight with her father. A disastrous trip to Ranchi, picnic failures, slowly and eventually all of the attempts taken was either ruined or was cancelled. Then a time came for self-realization that I could never have a memorable trip. But recently life confounded me. You sometimes get the best from what you have never expected. My memorable journey is worth remembering not because it has the most interesting/amazing adventure… for me it is the best because it makes me envious… envious of what I am not… envious of what I don’t have now.

My memorable journey started with those magical words, those soothing frequencies that my ear-drums were longing to be touched with, “Dear Passengers, we have successfully landed in the Chatrapaji Sivaji International Airport.”, Announced the co-pilot in the most robotic voice that he can make. In the next moments I was going to live, and not just survive, the best days of my life… and equally the worst (you will come to know why), thus making it the most memorable. Never knew that a span of just 6 months away can make me feel so nostalgic. With the mercy of God and an equal mercy of my HR, I was granted 16 days of leave… 16 days of complete freedom. This was the first time I was going home after coming abroad.

I still remember my first view outside the airport. Taxi drivers rushing to me as if I were a celebrity or a  great leader and everyone competing to serve me, may be even take me to their homes. A single nod of denial and I was abandoned by them there itself, by all of them at once. But even that display of betrayal had its own sweetness. No doubt globalization has made Indians spread everywhere but still the real happiness comes on the sand. The horrendous traffic, killing horns, gleaming puddles on the road all were adding to my comfort. The friendly smile from the strangers, love birds everywhere, local shops, shouting vendors, road-side foods, dogs barking on the vehicle breaching the traffic, everything was making me happy. I was devoid of all these sights which I had seen since I gained my senses. All I had seen in the last 6 months is the sky touching buildings, all expensive cars and a few human beings busy with their own families and own lives… That’s it.

That  smooth touch of my mom. Happiness that I saw in my Dad’s eyes. That lovely fighting with my sister. Sky touching level of contentment shown by the people I knew. Meeting all those friends who were with me every moment during my engineering life.  Lap of the premises where I studied. The convocation function, holding the degree in hand. Meeting my long time crush(es) :P… parties, dancing to the time till my neck hurted, getting high, with friends, under the influence of ethyl alcohol and that moment when I forgot my own name. Those sharing of agony buried deep inside my heart followed by amusement. All those jibes, those derogatory names… those endless nights!!! Could any of the road trip had ever been better than this???

This wasn’t the end. Tears too had their share during these 16 days. The last bye from the person whom I loved the most, may be more than my life, pretending to be strong enough not to cry. That time, when had to bid goodbye to my friends, to my cliché. Tears in my Mom’s eyes when bidding me bye. And that irritating Voice of the air hostess requesting-cum-ordering to fasten the seat belts and then the take-off of the plane. The last view of my country through the pane… all dark and cloudy.

This was the best journey that I had till now. The enjoyment  I had will always make me envious and the share of tears will make this journey memorable forever. One thing I realized that this is not the place I belong, my life is in my country and I will return back soon.

But for Now, at times in this strange world, I search for corners and shadows to sit and smoke and to wait till the season ends so that this seasonal bird will again get a chance to fly back. 

(This post is in reference to a blogging competition being organised by Mahindra XUV that made me ponder if I really had any memorable trip. Visit for more details about the competition)

Saturday, March 10, 2012

The Truth Of Life...

(We all do loathe some people, some characters a lot... N we never want to get into the shoes of those characters... but on the quest of survival, the zeal to get something we find that unknowingly we have wore those shoes STRANGE WORLD INDEED!!!)

I decided to go on a strange search
the search for the truth of life.
I kept walking on the road,
the road which lead to the divine.

As I walked upon,
I ended up at a mysterious junction,
there the road divided into two,
which left me confused for which one to choose.

I was unable to decide
which road is right: the one which lead
to the truth of life.
Then came a man into my sight,
standing under a banyan tree,his eyes, very bright,
and seemed that he has learnt the truth of life.

'This is the person who could help me',
said my mind, went straight away to him
"Sir you look familiar with this place",
I said with delight.
"could you please tell me
which of these roads will lead to the truth;
the truth of life."

He gave me a mysterious look
and read me from top to bottom.
as if I were a open book.
"Nothing comes for free",
said he,
"Pay me with what all you have
because money is what I love."

Didn't want to but gave him with all I had,
because this search for truth
has made me mad.
"Both roads lead to the truth of life",
he said with a cunning smile,
"and the left one is
exactly opposite of the right"

With all my possessions,
he walked away from there,
happy was he and so was I
for I was getting close to what I desire.
I choose the road on the right,
and continue my journey to meet with the divine.

I kept on walking
on a seemingly endless road.
My throat getting dried aand my legs
not willing to go any more
After so much of struggle I reached a place,
delighted with the thought
that I got to the end of the race.

But as I saw around I got blue,
because it was the same junction
with the same banyan tree.
The right road lead to the left
and the left to the right,
this road is just an illusion
and it never lead to the truth of life.

Still not ready to believe
that I lost everything for nothing,
I was standing under the banyan tree all numb and sad.
was just about to burst on being such a fool,
but suddenly a voice came from nowhere
"Sir you look familiar with this place,
could you please tell me
which of these roads will lead to the truth;
the truth of life."

I just checked him
as if he were a open book
he looked like an innocent man,
desperately searching for the truth of life.
I politely behaved and said,
"Nothing comes for free
give me all the things that you have."

A Last Goodbye...

I don't know how can I do this,
but anyways I need to say it,
that I've lost in the fight with destiny,
the fight which I can't stand at all.

I totally owe you this life,
for making it so beautiful,
decorating it with your immense love,
and filling my each day with delight.

Happier were the days n brighter were the nights,
when you were by my side,
but everything can't be as it is,
that's only the rule of life.

I'hv nothing to give you today,
besides just a momentary smile,
and something that you have never wanted,

A Broken Heart...

(written by me long back... when i was a kid... thought of starting the blog with this one)

I would better love to see you in my sleep,
rather than wake up and weap,
b'coz it's hard to bear what is right,
and difficult to overcome the destiny's fight.

I thought you were my friend,
but I didn't knew that it's your usual tread,
to make someone love his life,
just to let him know that it also ends.

It is not only about the eyes,
but also the heart that cries.
The tears are endless here,
since I loved you forever.

I dont know whats left in my life,
but I hope it to be alright,
without any sorrows and without any tears,
b'coz those will be difficult to bear.

You won't have to pay for what you have done,
that left me completely alone.
You be happy thats what I want
its the only wish of this broken heart...

Thursday, January 5, 2012

And here's the beginning...

It feels great to write my first post in a complete new blog, a kind of new life apparently. Its been a year, after I left blogging, since I am longing to start a new blog. But admist the myriad assignments of life, which was necessary to be done to survive, I never got the oppurtunity to start one. At last I am able to do it. Hope I do justice with this endeavour and at least reach near to the stuff that I want to acheive through blogging, peace of mind :)...
Regarding the name "An Apparition", there's always a virtual being with everyone with whom they talk, they fight, shout, cry... and most of the time this apparition is their own image but with a little modified mentality working out as an antidote for their anecdotes. I too have a Apparition with me, of a person whom i can never forget in my life. And this blog is dedicated to that apparation and I hope it will help me to nourish my thoughts and to replicate them into words.
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