About the Blog...

There's always a virtual being with us with whom we talk, we fight, shout, cry... and most of the time this apparition is our own image but with a little modified mentality working out as an antidote for their anecdotes. My Apparition is not an image of me, but of a person whom I can never forget in my life, and whom I have lost in the long run. This blog is dedicated to that apparition. A medium for me to replicate my evolving thoughts into words...
Enjoy your stay here :)

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Yes... I Got My Life Back

They said go for a long walk, you will feel better. I did the same and walked till I reached the horizon. Neither I was feeling better nor was the myriad road ending. Exhausted and frustrated I turned back, and as fast as I could, ran towards the point from where I started. My lungs were gasping for air and my tubes were wheezing. But I didn’t stop, kept running and accelerating. Everything in front of me started getting bleak and I collapsed.

They said go for a hiking, the height will excite you. I tied my shoe laces, pulled up my sleeves and climbed up to the pinnacle of the largest cliff that I had ever known. I amassed every bit of courage left in me to subjugate my acrophobic self and looked down the cliff. All I saw was a steep acreage leading to nothing but a ranch. Neither was I excited nor was I getting any ooze of adrenaline, rather was chafed. Dejected I jumped off the cliff to let gravity take control of me and within fraction of a second I surged towards the base.

They said go for a dive, the water will soothe your mind. I attired myself with all the instruments right from my head to feet and carrying a weight equal to half of mine jumped into the lapse of the blue saline. Neither was I feeling the water nor my mind was feeling lighter. All I felt was chocked, chocked by the wetsuit, chocked by the numerical calculations of SPG, depth gauge, timing device.  Thriving for freedom I took out all the devices and the breathing kit. The brine gushed down my nostrils and filled my lungs.

They said forget the past and move on in life, time heals everything. I did the same, put aside everything and started a new life. Pretended as if nothing happened, pretended as if the past was just an apparition. Said to myself that, that was the way to live life. But neither was I forgetting the past not was able to keep it out of my mind. Rather was pale and losing the zeal to live life. And one day I broke the walls of confinement, took my phone and dialed the combination of figures I was unable to forget. The time stopped there, all numb.

Though late but I came to know that I felt better when I was craving for oxygen while I was running, fighting for each ounce of air for survival. Though late but I came to know that excitement was not in those long hours of hiking but was in those few moments when I was falling down, when the upward thrust was trying to tear me up. Though late but I came to know that diving with protection didn't soothe my mind, but my mind felt calm when the water filled my lungs and reached my brain. Though late I came to know that life can’t be lived by being a coward, but by facing it, fighting with the past.

That moment when I gained my senses after collapsing, I realized that I got my life back. That moment when I ended up on a heap of foliage after jumping off the cliff, I realized that I got my life back.That moment when the fishermen pumped out all the water from my lungs, I realized I got my life back. And that day, after the call, after I spoke what I wanted, all those things that were deep buried in me, I realized that I got my life back. Yes… I got my life back and it is with me, holding my hand, like the way it used to do.
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