An Apparition
The Only friend who never leaves you...
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About the Blog...
There's always a virtual being with us with whom we talk, we fight, shout, cry... and most of the time this apparition is our own image but with a little modified mentality working out as an antidote for their anecdotes. My Apparition is not an image of me, but of a person whom I can never forget in my life, and whom I have lost in the long run. This blog is dedicated to that apparition. A medium for me to replicate my evolving thoughts into words...Enjoy your stay here :)
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
Yes... I Got My Life Back
They said go for a long walk, you will feel better. I did the same and walked till I reached the horizon. Neither I was feeling better nor was the myriad road ending. Exhausted and frustrated I turned back, and as fast as I could, ran towards the point from where I started. My lungs were gasping for air and my tubes were wheezing. But I didn’t stop, kept running and accelerating. Everything in front of me started getting bleak and I collapsed.
They said go for a hiking, the height will excite you. I tied
my shoe laces, pulled up my sleeves and climbed up to the pinnacle of the
largest cliff that I had ever known. I amassed every bit of courage left in me to
subjugate my acrophobic self and looked down the cliff. All I saw was a steep
acreage leading to nothing but a ranch. Neither was I excited nor was I getting
any ooze of adrenaline, rather was chafed. Dejected I jumped off the cliff to
let gravity take control of me and within fraction of a second I surged towards the base.
They said go for a dive, the water will soothe your mind. I attired
myself with all the instruments right from my head to feet and carrying a weight
equal to half of mine jumped into the lapse of the blue saline. Neither was I
feeling the water nor my mind was feeling lighter. All I felt was chocked, chocked
by the wetsuit, chocked by the numerical calculations of SPG, depth gauge,
timing device. Thriving for freedom I
took out all the devices and the breathing kit. The brine gushed down my
nostrils and filled my lungs.
They said forget the past and move on in life, time heals
everything. I did the same, put aside everything and started a new life. Pretended
as if nothing happened, pretended as if the past was just an apparition. Said
to myself that, that was the way to live life. But neither was I forgetting the
past not was able to keep it out of my mind. Rather was pale and losing the
zeal to live life. And one day I broke the walls of confinement, took my phone
and dialed the combination of figures I was unable to forget. The time stopped
there, all numb.
Though late but I came to know that I felt better when I was
craving for oxygen while I was running, fighting for each ounce of air for
survival. Though late but I came to know that excitement was not in those long
hours of hiking but was in those few moments when I was falling down, when the
upward thrust was trying to tear me up. Though late but I came to know that
diving with protection didn't soothe my mind, but my mind felt calm when the
water filled my lungs and reached my brain. Though late I came to know that
life can’t be lived by being a coward, but by facing it, fighting with the
past.
That moment when I gained my senses after collapsing, I realized
that I got my life back. That moment when I ended up on a heap of foliage after
jumping off the cliff, I realized that I got my life back.That moment when the
fishermen pumped out all the water from my lungs, I realized I got my life
back. And that day, after the call, after I spoke what I wanted, all
those things that were deep buried in me, I realized that I got my life back. Yes… I
got my life back and it is with me, holding my hand, like the way it used to
do.
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Choosing between the Gods...
(This post is in reference to a challenge thrown by a blogger friend Princess poo(a very avid writer and one of the best blogger I have seen) via Indiblogger to choose who I feel is the best, My mom or my dad. So here it goes... )
I came to this world,
by the blessings of you two,
You are the forms of almighty,
You are the forms of almighty,
Incarnated yourselves
for me.
But between all the pains
you took,
And the sacrifices that
you both made
Could I get any
variance,
That will helps me to
choose, Who is the best among you?
When I was born,
Mom it was you whom I first
saw,
The warmth of your love
Through your eyes it
flowed
Embracing you and
ruffling your hair
Sitting calmly there
were you Dad.
And when my little arms
Stretched and touched
your faces
In ecstasy, you both were
mounted with tears.
With the contentment
you both, showered that day,
Could I be able to
choose, who is the best among you?
To wake up early, even
when you are sick.
You neither care about
your health nor your happiness,
are always there to
feed me and give
on time, every time,
everything that I wish.
And at times, when fear
surrounds me,
You cover me with your
drape, and I sleep in peace.
And then you stand in
front like an amazon
protecting me from evil spirits and fighting all along.
As I grow up, my needs
go high,
Dad you never fail to
give whatever I require,
You work dawn to dusk
just to ensure
That I get everything
and my future is secured
and whenever obstacles come, you never let me retreat
make me tenacious and give the confidence that I need
make me tenacious and give the confidence that I need
Whenever, around me,
when the things become tight
Your words come as a
rescuer,
and helps me win all
the battles that I fight.
When I reminisce upon,
it makes me daze
Not even an imperceptible difference
in the way that you both cared.
I am left without a
single point,
not even a clue
That helps me to
decide,
Who is the best, among
you.
After thinking a lot I
got my answer
it isn’t in your sacrifices
but in the thing that
makes you strong.
Whenever the hard storm
strikes us to raze,
you fight it together, protecting
each-other’s ways.
Yes, it is your
immortal love and the bond that you have
that makes every problem just a piece of cake
Lame I am to think you as
two
for you are two
different bodies but a single soul
how could I even choose
when the entity is one,
together, you are the
best, that’s what I can call.
Sunday, March 25, 2012
All I want is a Hug!!!
(*Partially Based on a true story*)
“You are embarrassing me”, said Gene with a firm voice.
“I am just speaking the truth. Why it hurts you so much? Why
can’t you accept it when you are wrong?” Urged Stan.
It had been 3 years since Gene and Stan fell in love. A love
which no one had imagined could see such a day. A small fire sparked which
eventually clouted the whole thatch under it.
“For God’s sake please stop. I am tired of your never ending
queries, suspicions .I am tired of this Stan, you were never like this
before”
“It is you who have started feeling the change and now you are
blaming me!!! And you know what I am tired of?? I am tired of maneuvering these
type of situations… now I want to face it.”
“Stan enough. Stop assailing me else…”
“Else what? I am waiting for you Gene, say it.”
“That’s it. I am breaking up with you Stan. There isn't any future like this”
“I am so sorry Gene. Please don’t leave me. I’ll die without
you. You want to F***ing hear this right? Get it clear, I won’t give a damn
this time... I am too tired”
“You are such a hopeless case. No need to worry about me…
With you out, my life will be too light”. Saying this Gene turned away, moved a
few steps. Reverted back, "You are the worst thing that happened to me Stan, you are
a Psycho. R.I.P … you are dead for me”
Stan didn’t utter a word after that. Both turned their back,
without even a sign of reproach, and moved burying their love deep into their memories.
This was the end of their relationship, and was on the last day of their 4 year
college life. They couldn’t have expected anything worse than this as a last
memory. This was the last time they were together, promising themselves never to think
about the other again
3 years later,
The college premises was in a festive mood. The alumni association had organized a reunion. Happiness was in every alumnus face, all being nostalgic of their college life. And among them were Gene and Stan enjoying the eve to their max. During this span of 3 years, Stan has touched the pinnacle of his career, moved abroad, and statistically was the highest “Money-maker” of their batch. Gene, on the other hand, left her job and went for higher studies. Despite being so much egoistic, the ugly truth is that they had both attended the function just to meet each-other… the truth that they have kept within themselves.
The college premises was in a festive mood. The alumni association had organized a reunion. Happiness was in every alumnus face, all being nostalgic of their college life. And among them were Gene and Stan enjoying the eve to their max. During this span of 3 years, Stan has touched the pinnacle of his career, moved abroad, and statistically was the highest “Money-maker” of their batch. Gene, on the other hand, left her job and went for higher studies. Despite being so much egoistic, the ugly truth is that they had both attended the function just to meet each-other… the truth that they have kept within themselves.
The evening progressed, boring lectures, long non-ending
stories of development plans for college - functions like this are always a best medium for the institutions to steal out the maximum from the alumni in the name of
responsibilities. A big lavish party, all organized with the alumni fund,
cuisines made by the self-proclaimed best chefs. Loud music, happy faces, And
among this hullabaloo, two hearts were yearning to talk to each other. Stan saw
Gene leaving the place, and he quietly followed her.
The wind was calm and the night set off silently. Stan and
Gene were at the place which was their favorite- the terrace of the main
building. They maintained the decorum of silence, without looking at each-other.
“How are you Gene?” Stan broke the silence, his body
trembling speaking this.
All these years Stan had restrained himself from talking to her, pretending being strong. Many a time wrote her mails, all of them ended up in drafts. Stalked
her everyday on facebook till one day when her account was no longer found.
Gene, on the other hand, had brought many changes in herself. Stopped socializing much, deleted her social networking accounts… made her aloof from many activities. For her Stan was less of a partner and more of her child, she cared him as if he were her son… they both missed, one being cared and another to care.
Gene, on the other hand, had brought many changes in herself. Stopped socializing much, deleted her social networking accounts… made her aloof from many activities. For her Stan was less of a partner and more of her child, she cared him as if he were her son… they both missed, one being cared and another to care.
“Much better than you have expected”, Gene sounded arrogant.
She herself was shocked for this intonation of hers. May be it had aroused as a sign of
victory for not breaking the silence first.
“Have got something for you.”, Stan took out a small,
cubical box, wrapped in silver paper that he had stowed in his pocket for so
long.
“If you had tried to know me better, you would have known
how much I hate gifts”. Replied Gene shoving off the gift.
Stan didn’t force her. A little dejected, he threw it out of
their sight. Gene didn't give a single reaction.
“Do you have anything to say?” asked Stan, all ready to
burst.
All he could hear was a mere silence.
“I can’t live like this, away from you, away
from my own life. I lose, Gene, I accept it was me who was wrong. All these years of separation made me love you more, think about you more. I love you Gene. Can’t we erase that day from our memories. Can't we be together again???”
These words broke Gene. Tears started to flow... now not from the eyes but from the heart.
“I am sorry Stan, please forgive me. I waited so many days for you to say these words , but it
never came. Now You are late… too late... Stan, I am..." she sighed" I am married...”
A sudden spasm spread like thunder in Stan. He stood there
all numb… In front of him everything was bleak and dark
Gene couldn’t take it anymore and started to leave the place.
It was getting difficult for her to face him.
"Gene" came a trembling voice, tears muffling the words “Can I get a last hug from you, for the last time, won’t ask you for anything more... just one last hug.”
Gene paused for a moment. But she didn’t turn, took a deep
breath, and left that place…
Stan stood there, all numb, tear drops flowing down his cheeks … eyes glued
to the terrace door, waiting for her to come back to give him a hug…just a hug.
(A MESSAGE: For you Gene-- "Stan is still waiting for that hug...")
(A MESSAGE: For you Gene-- "Stan is still waiting for that hug...")
Saturday, March 17, 2012
Just a Bench...
I am a bench
Standing firm and all alone,
On the lap of a green esplanade
Amidst the flowing mortal emotions
I remember the day when a couple came
With a pram, with a tiny life
A life newly bestowed
Happiness was there and joys in their eyes
Through the baby I saw the beginning of life
I was there when the child grew up,
Crying like every other petulant tot
And with time standing on his feet
Wobbling in his way and badging all along
Through the child I saw the salvation in life
I was there when he turned into man,
Thoughts getting weirder, in limbo and tensed,
Thinking about his fledgling career and perpetual
fear
bridled by weeds to forget them all.
Through the man I saw the insecurity of life
I was there when he was no more alone
There came she taking him into her lap,
Brought a shoulder to cry and the love she
bestowed
Giving him a hand to fight the fear all along
Through the man I saw the true love of life
And then as four, happy was he and also worried
For the future was then all in his hand
Dependent on him, his wife and two little bairns
Through the man I saw the responsibilities of life
Days moved on and time passed by,
The children grew up and went into their life
Resting on me were only two bag of bones
Love still firm and hands embraced.
Through the old man I saw the quiescence of life
And then one day all bleak and dry,
There came the old man with no one on his side
Deep in his thoughts and soul all aloof,
Envious of his past life and wishing again to be a
child
Through the old man I saw the loneliness of life
Finally on a dark night all cold and tight,
He came there dressed in cardigan with nothing in
his mind
Sat on me and hummed a beautiful song
Slept there itself, and never woke up again
And that's when I saw the end of life
I am still the same bench
Standing firm and all alone
On the lap of a green esplanade
Amidst the flowing mortal emotions
but just with a character less.
but just with a character less.
Monday, March 12, 2012
A Memorable Journey...
My life had never been adventurous enough. Influenced by the movies, I always yearned to go on a trip that would be memorable to me throughout my life. So the very first thing I decided to do when I joined engineering was to go on a trip worth remembering. The very hard and fast rule I learnt from these movies was that If you want to go on a trip you must have atleast 2 very close friends, some sort of vehicle and ringing pockets. Well I passed the first one and in course of time did manage to make very good friends, still lucky to have such friends. 2nd one vehicle- what more a boy can like if he has a bike. 3rd thing ringing pockets- well was kind of short in that, like every other engineering guy, but as some great personality quoted if there is a “WILL” money will come from every way :P(why to fear when there is a heir). Then the last thing was an attempt. But in the mean time I forgot that in reel life you hardly fail but in real life, failure is like one’s father-in-law, if you want the beauty you have to fight with her father. A disastrous trip to Ranchi, picnic failures, slowly and eventually all of the attempts taken was either ruined or was cancelled. Then a time came for self-realization that I could never have a memorable trip. But recently life confounded me. You sometimes get the best from what you have never expected. My memorable journey is worth remembering not because it has the most interesting/amazing adventure… for me it is the best because it makes me envious… envious of what I am not… envious of what I don’t have now.
My memorable
journey started with those magical words, those soothing frequencies that my ear-drums
were longing to be touched with, “Dear Passengers, we have successfully landed
in the Chatrapaji Sivaji International Airport.”, Announced the co-pilot in the
most robotic voice that he can make. In the next moments I was going to live,
and not just survive, the best days of my life… and equally the worst (you will
come to know why), thus making it the most memorable. Never knew that a span of
just 6 months away can make me feel so nostalgic. With the mercy of God and an
equal mercy of my HR, I was granted 16 days of leave… 16 days of complete
freedom. This was the first time I was going home after coming abroad.
I still
remember my first view outside the airport. Taxi drivers rushing to me as if I
were a celebrity or a great leader and
everyone competing to serve me, may be even take me to their homes. A single nod
of denial and I was abandoned by them there itself, by all of them at once. But even
that display of betrayal had its own sweetness. No doubt globalization has made
Indians spread everywhere but still the real happiness comes on the sand. The
horrendous traffic, killing horns, gleaming puddles on the road all were adding
to my comfort. The friendly smile from the strangers, love birds everywhere,
local shops, shouting vendors, road-side foods, dogs barking on the vehicle
breaching the traffic, everything was making me happy. I was devoid of all
these sights which I had seen since I gained my senses. All I had seen in the
last 6 months is the sky touching buildings, all expensive cars and a few human
beings busy with their own families and own lives… That’s it.
FRIENDS FOREVER |
This wasn’t
the end. Tears too had their share during these 16 days. The last bye from the
person whom I loved the most, may be more than my life, pretending to be strong
enough not to cry. That time, when had to bid goodbye to my friends, to my cliché.
Tears in my Mom’s eyes when bidding me bye. And that irritating Voice of the
air hostess requesting-cum-ordering to fasten the seat belts and then the take-off
of the plane. The last view of my country through the pane… all dark and
cloudy.
This was the
best journey that I had till now. The enjoyment
I had will always make me envious and the share of tears will make this
journey memorable forever. One thing I realized that this is not the place I
belong, my life is in my country and I will return back soon.
But for Now,
at times in this strange world, I search for corners and shadows to sit and
smoke and to wait till the season ends so that this seasonal bird will again get a
chance to fly back.
(This post is in reference to a blogging competition being organised by Mahindra XUV that made me ponder if I really had any memorable trip. Visit http://www.mahindraxuv500.com/ for more details about the competition)
(This post is in reference to a blogging competition being organised by Mahindra XUV that made me ponder if I really had any memorable trip. Visit http://www.mahindraxuv500.com/ for more details about the competition)
Saturday, March 10, 2012
The Truth Of Life...
I decided to go on a strange search
the search for the truth of life.
I kept walking on the road,
the road which lead to the divine.
As I walked upon,
I ended up at a mysterious junction,
there the road divided into two,
which left me confused for which one to choose.
I was unable to decide
which road is right: the one which lead
to the truth of life.
Then came a man into my sight,
standing under a banyan tree,his eyes, very bright,
and seemed that he has learnt the truth of life.
'This is the person who could help me',
said my mind, went straight away to him
"Sir you look familiar with this place",
I said with delight.
"could you please tell me
which of these roads will lead to the truth;
the truth of life."
He gave me a mysterious look
and read me from top to bottom.
as if I were a open book.
"Nothing comes for free",
said he,
"Pay me with what all you have
because money is what I love."
Didn't want to but gave him with all I had,
because this search for truth
has made me mad.
"Both roads lead to the truth of life",
he said with a cunning smile,
"and the left one is
exactly opposite of the right"
With all my possessions,
he walked away from there,
happy was he and so was I
for I was getting close to what I desire.
I choose the road on the right,
and continue my journey to meet with the divine.
I kept on walking
on a seemingly endless road.
My throat getting dried aand my legs
not willing to go any more
After so much of struggle I reached a place,
delighted with the thought
that I got to the end of the race.
But as I saw around I got blue,
because it was the same junction
with the same banyan tree.
The right road lead to the left
and the left to the right,
this road is just an illusion
and it never lead to the truth of life.
Still not ready to believe
that I lost everything for nothing,
I was standing under the banyan tree all numb and sad.
was just about to burst on being such a fool,
but suddenly a voice came from nowhere
"Sir you look familiar with this place,
could you please tell me
which of these roads will lead to the truth;
the truth of life."
I just checked him
as if he were a open book
he looked like an innocent man,
desperately searching for the truth of life.
I politely behaved and said,
"Nothing comes for free
give me all the things that you have."
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